Many a times I feel how fraud I am. I have been just putting half hearted efforts towards my dealings in day to day life. One of my very good friends, wrote me a testimonial when I was leaving IIT. He wrote that the best thing that I possess is the rock hard attitude. He justified that it suited my kind of personality. I kind of always knew that latently. Lately, today , when I am here at my office at Bangalore, I feel, .. was my friend right ?
"Do you know bhupc, you have lots of attitude". I remember that during my HR training sessions, I irked one of the HR managers when I made a comment and she said, "Do you know Bhupesh, Kanpuriya itne tez nahin hote.". "What?? is she doubting intelligence of IIT Kanpur, I mean does she even know what she means?". I started to think fast. I had to fire back. "Oh really, I am not from Kanpur.", I retorted. Next came her question, "Then where do u belong to ?". "Bhilai.". I replied. And then again she repeated, "Wahan ke log bhi itne tez nahin hote." Roaring laughter spread through the room. I did not understand if they were all laughing on me, or on her. Anyways I got my lesson; do not mess with the HR. From that point onwards I lost my confidence for the day.
It was a nice afternoon and the last session of the HR training. We were being taught how to write mails to our bosses and colleagues. As usual, I was overconfident, and was sitting with my ears closed. "Common on, I have been doing it for the past four years at IIT. My profs weren't less formal than any of your Oracle Managers or Directors...What are these kids going to teach me." Everyone was asking questions and I was sitting (almost spread out on the chair.). Up came the glare (back)at to me. Her again. "So Bhupesh, you seem to be quite relaxed and comfortable about this topic. No doubts, nothing to ask." In the past one week of training, I had got the reputation of a query engine at Oracle, the one who asks all sorts of queries, and doubts. How could have I let them down this time. and so I asked a clever enough question. "Can we use emoticons in our mails to out managers?" At first, she didn't seem to understand what I meant. Probably the word "emoticon" was alien to her. Happens with HR; but this doesn't stop them from being the smartest people in the world, at least they think so. But by the time, the whole class had got what I meant and seem to be admiring, "wow what a question, he did it again, a nice question again...". So I made the HR manager explain saying, "can I use :P, :D etc.. in my mails". She got it.
Now the next move out of that cunning HR mind. If I have asked the question, I must be having some opinion. "So Bhupesh, what do you think about it? What precautions would have you taken while writing a mail to your boss?". Aaah nice move lady. Oh that was simple for me, after all I am from IIT, and had been writing gentle mails to gentlemen at my institute. And there I started complacently "Well, the first thing that I would do is not to use briefs and..aaa..aa.." oops what did i say, I meant to say abbreviations and short forms aka acronyms. OMG, blunder that was. She was fast to catch it "Please don't say you would not use briefs, just the lighter side of it." "F*** , how can I make such a mistake..I was so (over)confident. Shit!!" And the whole class bursted in laughter.
After the long tiring session, I came out of the office, totally disappointed, with a gloomy face. Everyone knew why that was. I was screwed by the HR twice in a row. It was not over; it is going to linger in my memory for next few weeks,for sure. "What do they think of themselves..they are not perfect. I will show them that I am smart enough to pull asses out of them.(After all I am an IITian)..". And I knew..I was making the same mistake again. The mistake I have been making for the past four years, wait...may be for the past 20 years, just took too much of fuel in the past 4 years. "When did this happen? When did I get so much of attitude? Main aise kyon hoon? ..Infact..Main aisa hi hoon..What did my friend thought when he meant I have an attitude which suits my personality... but then, am I wrong when I think I am very smart. Am I not? Am I not one of the most intelligent youth in this country..Don't I belong to the best techonology school in the country..Have I lost the right to be called smartest and the brightest..Is it taking over my life..uff.. my head is paining...I cannot handle this gush of thoughts ..I need to sleep..." And all my dreams I had been dreaming my four wonderful years that are either going to make me or destroy me..It's upto me which way to choose.